I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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