I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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