Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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