I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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