I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
