sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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