she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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