i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
