So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
