We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Congratulations! We have a period
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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