I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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