It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
