you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize