dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
