alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
