yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
