if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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