I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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