my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
