I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
