Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
