You just made me feel so damn special
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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