K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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