Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize