im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
