I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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