I love black thongs
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
