Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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