At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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