i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
