After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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