Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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