I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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