hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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