So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize