So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
