I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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