i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
