we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize