im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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