I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
