my phone needs a breathalizer
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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