haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my being single is dangerous.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
