We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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