Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
