there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
