Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my shit smells like andre
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
