come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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