i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
