Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
