Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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