Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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