i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
