Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
