He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
