o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize