My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
