I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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