Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize