My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You took a bar mat shot.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
