I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
