exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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