Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
