Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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