Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
