Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
