Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
