I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize