Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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