I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
