How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
