Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
