Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
