i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
