OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
