So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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