Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
