i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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