I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
