I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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