i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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