so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
