No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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