fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
