The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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