i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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