Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
