guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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