so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
