"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize