Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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