I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
