She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
