just come out here and I will go home with you...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
