We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
