i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
