My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize