It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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