Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
