I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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