dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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