My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
