Cold hands, warm shart.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my poor anus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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