I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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