Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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