ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
